Monday, July 7, 2014

Christian Scott - Atunde Adjuah

I've decided to do this review as I listen to the record, like a live-blog. Wanted to keep it super real that way, cause Christian Scott is just so goddamn real too,  Let's do this!

So the album kicks off with Christian just rippin' a solo, and he's in deep from the first beat of the song…no need for foreplay, Christian knows what you're here for.  He knows you don't give a shit about a melody so he's not gonna waste your time playing one.  He's Christian fuckin' Scott, and you're here to listen to him blow his favorite trumpet lick over and over, so that's what he's gonna give you.  Now that drummer is just hitting whatever cymbals and shit he's got! I wanna rock!…oh wait.. now everyone suddenly stopped… just the guitar player alone now, figuring out what chords he knows that he's probably gonna use later in the song, he's going through thinking "Okay, got that one, and this other chord I could use, check" ..everyone is just kinda letting him have a second to figure it out aaaaaaAND they're rocking again!!…I'm so amped up now I'm moshing in my apartment! I just punched a hole in the wall ARRRRRGGG!!   Someone get me a GODDAMN Beer!!  I slam it and crush the can against my forehead!  Christian playing his favorite lick again!!  Give it to me brother!  Now they transition to some sort of other section…still no sign of a melody, cause fuck it, who needs that!?  Rip me some more trumpet!!  Where's that lick at??

Okay, on the second track now…um, kinda sounds a lot like the first track.  Christian back in rippin' his trumpet lick.  He knows you didn't get enough of it on the last he's gonna give it to you again.  Still no melody..cause who the fuck needs one of those! Okay, there's that lick again…not as cool as the first dozen or so times, but okay.  It's fine.  I mean, how many licks does one player need? Okay, there it is again.  I need a youtube break this lick is getting old real fast.

Shit, just found this video ( where Christian Scott talks about how much he loves playing his lick.  He's got one, how many do YOU have?? …Zero. That's what I thought.  A good Jazz Musician only really needs ONE lick anyway.  Okay, I've decided I'm going to play "The Christian Scott Drinking Game"; every time Christian plays his lick I'm gonna take a shot of whiskey…should make this album, which has quickly become pretty fucking annoying and repetitive, a lot more tolerable.

Okay, I made it through two more songs and I'm fucking hammered.  The drinking game was a bad idea..I know this now.  Fuck this album.  Fuck that goddamn lick.  Can't come up with anything else?!?  Ugh, taking another shot of whiskey.  I'm only on track 5 now…sounds pretty much identical to the first, second, third and forth.  Still no melody.  Another shot of whiskey.  Christian Scott knows you'd probably like a melody at this point or something...anything.. it's long overdo ..but he's not gonna give it to you, he's Christian fuckin' Scott..he doesn't have time for that shit.  Oh dear god, I just realized this is a double album…. I'm fucked.  Why on earth would you record a DOUBLE Jazz album?!? Especially when you've only got one song and one lick?!?

Okay taking a break to watch some youtube interviews.  Did you know Christian Scott fucking INVENTED the trumpet he plays?? That's right, apparently he's an engineer or some shit, knows metal-smithing, tooling.  I assume he does since he never mentions or gives anyone else credit for those things.  Did you know Christian Scott INVENTED 'The whisper technique'?  That's where you drop your jaw, relax your embouchure and let a little more air into your sound.  Christian Scott probably taught that shit to Clifford Brown, and Ben Webster and all those guys.(I assume he probably also INVENTED a time machine. Badass.)  Did you know that Christian Scott INVENTED a new style of music?  Apparently it's that one song he keeps playing and it's called 'Stretch music', it doesn't matter that I heard about this 'Stretch music' thing way before Christian Scott ever mentioned it…cause Christian Scott INVENTED that shit…cause that's what he said.  Ugh, give me another shot of whiskey, he played that lick again, I feel nauseous … thank god for auto-correct, because I'm completely plastered.


I just woke up, it's 3 hours later, I passed out(blacked out) briefly from that entire bottle of whiskey I drank while playing that stupid "Christian Scott drinking game."  My head hurts, but I seemed to have slept through the entire second disk.  Saved from having to actually listen to that, thank god.  I'll take the hangover over having to actually get through the second disk.  I'm going to bed, I'm going to feel terrible tomorrow morning.